Humphrey's Blog-Pitch Half Hour sponsored by Anusol

So, blog-reading legends, I thought that maybe today, while I am still trying to get a grip on this blog and what it is, I would offer up some different types of specific blog I could write and see what people liked the sound of. So:


TANKY-PANKY:

I post pictures of sexy tanks and what-have-you. Probably the odd armoured personnel carrier or even a Kettenkrad. Perhaps from time to time I will photoshop tanks to make it look like they are having sex with each other to justify the rhyme-heavy title.  

THE HOLLYFOOD REPORTER:

I post pictures of baked goods that look slightly like Hollywood celebrities. E.G. Flan Hathaway. To be honest it probably won't get better than Flan Hathaway. Perhaps we should give this a swerve.

FUNNY-SHAPED FOOTBALLERS

I post pictures of footballers that have grown into rude shapes like a willy or a bum or something. I will probably just curate this cause I reckon a shit heap of these will get sent in.


JUSTIN BIEBER COCKSHOT HQ

Pretty self-explanatory.


Ker out. 


  

I'm Back, I'm Bad, But I'm Neither Black Nor Mad

Well, well, well. Who could have seen this coming? Jesus? Maybe. He sees everything. That's kind of his deal. Aside from Jesus, who would have had the temerity to say: "Humphrey's blog? Defunct? No dice muchacho. You'll see. Just under two years of dormancy will be shattered by an incredible return by Blogging's premier prodigal son, confounding his critics and whipping fans of meandering self-aggrandisement into hitherto unforeseen paroxysms of excitement. Hell, he'll even use the word paroxysms."

NOBODY. That's who. Well bad luck every prick who doubted me, sorry to harsh your vibe. True to my maverick and unconventional form, I have returned like Ian Rush after a year (two years) at Juventus. So, sorry The Man/Woman. Your comfortable complacency, born of a confidence that the sharpest tongue of the twenty-first century had laid down his e-quill and taken up his remote controller/penis for good, is about to be shattered by my triumphant return.

Here's my manifesto: I DON'T MUCH CARE FOR DICKS AND WILL SAY AS MUCH WITHOUT GOING TOO FAR AND BEING A DICK MYSELF.

Together we can change the world, readers. I love saying "readers" like that because it reminds me of the fourth wall breaking in the Beano and Dandy comics I read as a kid when there were no Commando comics to read.

Now, I know there were some big words spoken when last we met, dear reader, and I made some promises that I didn't keep. I'VE CHANGED. You've made me realise that I can be a better blog-etiser and I will change for you. I can, I will, I must.

Thank you for believing in me.

I'm back. And this time I'm here to stay.

God Bless America.